my gawd! Holiday's over already?

soooo many things have happened. i cannot believe it. i am not over christmas, i do not have a gift yet for my little boy. i thought i was getting ahead when i put up my christmas decors right after thanksgiving. i was fooling myself. anyway, my mom wanted to see lots of christmas lights and decors. christmas cards are still here and unsent. i bought them early too so mama can send her cards to philippines. it does'nt really matter now.
my brother's here from philippines, arrived nov.29. after a very long wait and suffering, lots of prayers and tears and disappointments, more from my mom's part. he slept with my mom that night. the next day we took mom to the ER. after all exams and lab test, treated her and was admitted. we never left her side. she passed away the next day, dec 1. happy that she saw her son, her prayers and wish were granted. peaceful she was, thank goodness she did'nt have so much pain.
my bro shocked, never thought it would end for her. and for me, aware and knew what's going to happen does not prepare me of death.
i am still in the state of...what happened? is she really gone? she's just in bed taking a nap, she'll call in a little bit.
i cry when i'm driving realizing that i cannot call her to tell her something. her voicemail that used to pick up her calls does'nt exist anymore. i miss her voice, her kakulitan, our little tsismisan.
her funeral was solemn. step dad was able to make it, good friends and relatives were here.
very busy up until now.
my step dad's family came by from dubai and canada unannounced and uninvited for christmas. they called the same day and said "we are coming...in about an hour" ...crazy but it was okey. i wish we had more time to prepare to accomodate them. we had prior engagements and job to attend to and did'nt have the chance to take some days off.
jenny's (arend's god-mom) wedding before new years eve in maryland was a success. oh yea! open bar all night. next day we drove 5 hours for new year spent in north carolina with my family and then drove back home expecting more guest.
tomorrow, my step dad's flying to new york and meet his family before he goes back home to dubai. my bro and cousin here and started working as well.
i never had a chance to mourn, as i said. i sometimes think that she's just in her room taking a nap. it hurts to realize that she's gone for real. i miss her so much.

miss you mah. love you!