seasonal affective disorderi'm beginning to think that i am suffering from summer seasonal affective disorder. it is a type of depression that affects less than a million people. it's a biochemical imbalance set off by the shortening of daylight hours and the resulting lack of sunlight in the winter. and in some cases, it's the summertime that causes the disorder, possibly because of an increase in sunlight, in which case it's called reverse or summer s.a.d.
i don't remember when i started hating summer. reason could be was that i grew up in a tropical island where it's sticky or muggy all the time and where air conditioning is a luxury. could've been the sun, the scorching south texas heat or maybe because of the swimsuits i could never fit into. and then i get sun-burned quicker than normal human being.
i am so insecure with my skin. especially after my pregnancy and just because i'm not getting any younger too. my facial skin developed blemishes and unever skin tone. and i have noticed with asian's, we get this mole-like appearance all over the face and neck after pregnancy or with aging. it can easily be covered with makeup but putting it on and getting out in the sun, just don't feel right, like my face melting. whatever the reason, it’s been this way for years now. i spend my summers pining for fall.
my solution, sleep and read a lot and watch plenty of movies in air-conditioned comfort. play catch-the-ball, or peek-a-boo inside the house with arend. thank goodness i work nights. i will wait till fall (and our long san antonio summers delays for at least another month) and then when pong arrives, then i'll have fun. i can wear tons of makeup on, get all my winter gear out. walk around the mall and enjoy lunch or dinner out of a patio's restaurant, feeling the winter breeze caressing my cheeks.
anyway, this will be arend's first full summer and he's too young to know the difference between seasons. this will give me enough time to challenge my fellings of summer.
